Apparently, two people in my life, two friends, are upset with me at the moment. I don't know why the one person is upset with me, but I do know why the other is upset with me. Both situations have me on edge, and I feel torn between feeling angry and feeling bad that I have not lived up to my friend-ly obligations.
In one situation, I have a friend who has come to me for help with several things, and I have done my best to help this friend. He lives sort of far away, and he can't drive, so if he needs something, I have to go to him, which is fine, because that is what friends do for each other. But the other night I got an email from him, and he was upset because I guess he feels that I have not done things that I 'promised' to do.
The biggest problem here is the word 'promise'. My daughter uses it too much, and inappropriately, as in, "But you PROMISED I could have dessert!" No, I didn't promise, I said maybe. Big difference. Same thing with this friend. He is lonesome, and he asked me to help him find someone to date. I thought about it, but I don't have any friends that I feel would be an appropriate match for him. But he is upset because I 'promised' to find someone for him. No, no I didn't. I promised to help, and I was unable to do so, and I'm sorry. He is also upset that he has offered to help me with something, and I have yet to take him up on that help. I didn't know there was a statute of limitations on help. So now I need to email him or call him and get this straightened out. Yay.
The other situation is far more annoying because I am sensing that the second friend is upset with me, and I don't know why. There are a few things I really hate: 1) If you are upset with me, tell me. Don't fucking make me guess. 2) If you are upset with me, don't hint at it or make snide remarks. Last time I checked, we were both adults. I don't have time to play games. 3) If you are upset with me, don't tell me we'll talk about it in one hour/day/week. Get it out in the open. Now. The power play pisses me off.
No one is perfect. It has taken years for my husband and I to learn to communicate effectively, and our relationship is much better for it. I know sometimes I am gossipy. I know that a lot of the time it takes me a while to do things you may have asked me to do. I know I am a procrastinator. I know I can be short-tempered. I'm not perfect, and I apologize if my imperfections have pissed anyone off. But you know what? I can't fix them if you don't tell me how they are affecting you. I'm not going to guess. I'm not going to give you puppy-dog eyes and beg for forgiveness. I will apologize if I have offended you or hurt you in some way, but unless you tell me what that some way is, then forget it. I've got other things to do.
Am I being cold? Perhaps. But these situations have made me realize that I need to take care of myself, and I need to take care of my husband and daughter, and I need to take care of my dad and brother, and I need to take care of my friends. In that order. So if you value my friendship, and you want it to continue, just tell me what's wrong. I can handle it, and more than likely I can make it better.
And sometimes, I might ask for something too. Sometimes I need stuff. Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on. I might ask you to listen. I might ask you to shut up. I might ask for your advice. I might ask you to trust me to make the right decision. And I might ask for your forgiveness, because I'm human, and I make mistakes. I need my friends; I value my friends. I can vent to my friends. But I think sometimes people forget that friendships need just as much work as other relationships, sometimes more.
So tell me what's wrong, and I'll try to make it better. 'Kay?
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