A Complaint (surprise!)

Apparently, two people in my life, two friends, are upset with me at the moment.  I don't know why the one person is upset with me, but I do know why the other is upset with me.  Both situations have me on edge, and I feel torn between feeling angry and feeling bad that I have not lived up to my friend-ly obligations.

In one situation, I have a friend who has come to me for help with several things, and I have done my best to help this friend.  He lives sort of far away, and he can't drive, so if he needs something, I have to go to him, which is fine, because that is what friends do for each other.  But the other night I got an email from him, and he was upset because I guess he feels that I have not done things that I 'promised' to do.

The biggest problem here is the word 'promise'.  My daughter uses it too much, and inappropriately, as in, "But you PROMISED I could have dessert!"  No, I didn't promise, I said maybe.  Big difference.  Same thing with this friend.  He is lonesome, and he asked me to help him find someone to date.  I thought about it, but I don't have any friends that I feel would be an appropriate match for him.  But he is upset because I 'promised' to find someone for him.  No, no I didn't.  I promised to help, and I was unable to do so, and I'm sorry.  He is also upset that he has offered to help me with something, and I have yet to take him up on that help.  I didn't know there was a statute of limitations on help.  So now I need to email him or call him and get this straightened out.  Yay.

The other situation is far more annoying because I am sensing that the second friend is upset with me, and I don't know why.  There are a few things I really hate: 1) If you are upset with me, tell me.  Don't fucking make me guess.  2) If you are upset with me, don't hint at it or make snide remarks.  Last time I checked, we were both adults.  I don't have time to play games.  3) If you are upset with me, don't tell me we'll talk about it in one hour/day/week.  Get it out in the open.  Now.  The power play pisses me off.

No one is perfect.  It has taken years for my husband and I to learn to communicate effectively, and our relationship is much better for it.  I know sometimes I am gossipy.  I know that a lot of the time it takes me a while to do things you may have asked me to do.  I know I am a procrastinator.  I know I can be short-tempered.  I'm not perfect, and I apologize if my imperfections have pissed anyone off.  But you know what?  I can't fix them if you don't tell me how they are affecting you.  I'm not going to guess.  I'm not going to give you puppy-dog eyes and beg for forgiveness.  I will apologize if I have offended you or hurt you in some way, but unless you tell me what that some way is, then forget it.  I've got other things to do.

Am I being cold?  Perhaps.  But these situations have made me realize that I need to take care of myself, and I need to take care of my husband and daughter, and I need to take care of my dad and brother, and I need to take care of my friends.  In that order.  So if you value my friendship, and you want it to continue, just tell me what's wrong.  I can handle it, and more than likely I can make it better. 

And sometimes, I might ask for something too.  Sometimes I need stuff.  Sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on.  I might ask you to listen.  I might ask you to shut up.  I might ask for your advice.  I might ask you to trust me to make the right decision.  And I might ask for your forgiveness, because I'm human, and I make mistakes.  I need my friends; I value my friends.  I can vent to my friends.  But I think sometimes people forget that friendships need just as much work as other relationships, sometimes more.

So tell me what's wrong, and I'll try to make it better.  'Kay?